The Higgs boson is the object of one of the greatest campaigns in the history of particle physics and a pop-culture icon. But what is a Higgs boson, and what would we like it to do for us? What may we understand after a discovery that we didn't understand before? How would the world be different if nothing did the job of the Higgs boson? We will explore all these questions and more through demonstration, simulation, and audience participation. Bring your own questions! This will be an equation-free colloquium.